Strangers in a Strange Land

We find ourselves in the Balkans, still a bit unsure how we got here, or why we came. This ancient crossroads between empires that seems to be in a perpetual state of struggle. First (or the first we know of) they got conquered by The Romans (but I guess that isn't saying much because who didn't get conquered by the Romans—aside from my people The Scots, who were too ornery and stubborn even for the Romans). After the Romans left, the Balkans become a ping-pong ball between the Austrian-Hungarian & Ottoman empires for about five centruies. Then, oops, they spark a world war (see The Archduke, The Black Hand, Serejevo 1914). And just as that century's dust is settling, they all declare independence from Yuglslavia and get into a massive scrap with one another. And we don't even have time here to get into the Greeks, the Venetians and the British, who all claimed ownership at one time or another.

It just seems like such a troubled landscape. I mean the region has become a verb for Christ's sake:

Balkanize: divide (a region or body) into smaller mutually hostile states or groups.

At Ramble On, we prefer our sojourns to be to cuddly and safe, like Syria or The Sudan say.

Still, reports of the soaring mountains, crystaline coastlines and the natural beauty of The Balkans kept reaching our desks at Ramble On World Headquarters—and we finally asked ourselves "what would Jason Bourne do?" He would go, and if necessary (and only if necessary), kick some Balkan ass.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. This particular ramble actually began back in early April in Florida, in our own country, which has become rather Balkanized itself of late.

Wastin' Away Again... everyone still seemed pretty chill in Key West at least

Next we balled that jack to a snowy Denver for some Rocky Mountain High. And on down the Front Range to Pikes Peak and we even climbed the dreaded Manitou Incline (an utter beast for any of you masochistic adrenaline junkies out there).

And here is Alex signing autographs after his first professional Ultimate Frisbee game for the Colorado Summit (club level season tickets avaiable at www.rambleon.com).

All of these locales, from the flip flops of Florida, to the fleece and hiking boots of Colorado, to the... well whatever it is you wear in the Balkans in springtime (peasant skirts? Mao jackets? camo?), have to fit into a single carry-on suitcase for each of us.

Somehow, Lori manages this while looking as pretty as a postcard. Nobody cares what I look like, so I went with the camo.

Fly By Night

We boarded a plane in Denver and headed to the East (with the obligatory stop at London Heathrow in order to allow the security folks to detonate of all the toiletries we own that had already passed every other airport security screen on the planet—because it's Heathrow and they hate lotions and potions). We arrived in Slovenia at dusk. It was a bit like something out of Casa Blanca, where they put stairs up to the small plane and you walk across the tarmac to a passenger terminal that looks like it was just plopped down on an old military airfield. Plastered across the side of the building it said: Ljubljana Airport. I'm sorry, where are we?

Idiots Abroad

The problems started immediately. Getting our little rental Rennault's stick shift into reverse was a complete mystery (Lori finally worked it out after five minutes in some dude's driveway while trying to correct a wrong turn). She also figured out why we were getting a loud warning beep as we drove—a (very heavy) suitcase in the backseat was setting off the safety belt warning. Inside our first apartment was more confusion. We got the little washing machine to work but the heated drying rack remained cold all night. I tried to make Nespresso in the morning, and that was stone-cold too. I didn't even know they could do that.

But it was still wonderful. The furniture was simple and beautiful. The windows were those cool bi-directional Eutopean things that I don't know why we don't have (tariffs?). The beds have those individual duvets so you don't have to worry about your spouse hogging all the covers. We even got to watch our favorite Slovenian (besides Melania) Luka Doncic of the Lakers on TV before drifting off to sleep. We wouldn't have had a clue how to get the game on the TV, but our hostess was a big Luka fan, so problem solved.

In the morning, we woke to a view out of our windows of the magnificent Julian Alps. The mountains here have all the soaring dramatic beauty of their northern cousins, but with quite a bit more "old-world" feel. By this I mean that there aren't that many outdoor gear shops yet and you still see people plowing fields with a horse or village residents out for a carriage ride, or maybe just a kid hauling some goats down the street.

These things may be more of a romantic notion than an actual necessity, but it feels nice all the same. The locals don't lock their doors at night (perhaps they don't know their own troubled history?).

Slovenia is still considered to be a bit undiscovered, at least in comparison to Instagram star Croatia to the south. And maybe that just means with Americans. There were plenty of tourists, but few Americans.

We spent several days walking the lakes, hiking the mountains and driving the passes. The whole country seems to be devoid of ugliness. Over hundreds of kilometers, we barely saw a factory or an ugly building. Pristine and pastoral. And wow, is that water blue.

The hikes were epic. And the Vintgar gorge gave us the opportunity to wear some stylish hairnets and helmets.

If you want to, you can even strap yourself into a harness and go paragliding with this guy (as this small child elected to do). We nearly pissed ourselves just watching.

We ended the week with a night in the capital Ljubljana (pron: Loo-bee-anna, more or less). What a suprise that was. So charming. Like a little Prague, set on the Ljubljana River and protected from above by a castle perched on a hill.

Fun fact: the Ljubljana River is believed to be the first river ever spanned by a bridge during the Roman Empire.

All evening, tourists and locals alike stroll the along both sides of the river past the countless restaurants and bars, while tour boats glide up and down under the ornate bridges. I think we were expecting a bit more Marshall Tito and a bit less of an outdoor cocktail lounge.

There is ugliness in Slovenia, mainly in Ljubljana, outside the old city where all the post-war expansion and sprawl occurred during the 45 years of communism. The architecture is in a unique style known as Drabalist which is designed to evoke feelings of extreme sadness whenever you look at it.

We ignored this part of town and remained in fairy-tale Ljubljana. After our people-watching beers, we dined at Juliaja on traditional Slovenian dishes (heavy on the truffles). I like to make a note of places around the world that I would want to live (in case Trump starts disappearing Vermonters to El Salvador, which seems inevitable). Despite a lot of unecessary Js in all of their words, Slovenia made the list.

Travel Talk (how the wander sausage gets made)

A question we often get from folks is: do we plan these trips out ahead of time or as we go along? The answer is it depends. If I've been a place before, I have a pretty good idea of how we should lay it out and I'll just do it before we leave. But in a place I've haven't a clue about—I have to get my boots on the ground and my eyes on the field, before I can make sense of all of the advice the travel blogs and Instagram posts are offering.

All we had booked when we arrived in Ljubljana was a rental car and our first night stay near the airport. The next 30 days through Slovenia, Croatia, Montenegro and Albania would all be laying the tracks as the train rolls down it. Just trying to stay a bit ahead. And things do go sideways. For instance, tomorrow we have to catch a ferry to the mainland, find our pre-booked Uber to a rental car place, secure the rental car without the benefit of my international driving license (forgotten at home), cross two borders and then drive 6 hours into the mountains of Albania to get to our pre-paid lodging without getting lost. What could possibly go wrong?

Add to this, we are travelling Let's Go Europe college-student style; moving every night or two as we try to maximize our thrill-to-time ratio. Between the pace and the ad hoc plans— it's a pretty exhausing way to travel for people old enough to regularly score senior discounts at the museums.

But hey, no one said being married to me would be easy. No pain, no gain.

Next up: Croatia