Here Comes The Sun

And it sure been a cold, cold winter

And the wind ain't been blowin' from the south

It's sure been a cold, cold winter

And a lotta love is all burned out

-Mick Jagger

It has been a cold, cold winter. I've had a cough since October near about. Need to get this guy down to that warm Florida sunshine stat. Take the waters as it were.

But there were some things we really enjoyed this winter too. For example, we got a lot of snow. The great Northeast was the envy of the dry and dusty ski areas out west. Well... maybe (the skiers out that way are convinced we have terrible skiing out here; and there is really no need to tell them). Anyway, I enjoyed the skiing, except when my toes got cold, which was every time.

The basketball season was great too. I decided this would be my last year of coaching and I couldn't have asked for a better group of kids to go out with. I'll miss it, but it's time to ramble on.

And it was our last winter with wee Sophie—our adorable, slightly cranky, Siamese kitty. She is 18-winters old and she will be rambling on soon as well. Rest in peace sweet pea.

While we have been grounded all winter by the cat and basketball practices, family travel has been happening. Alex and Steph travel more that Lori and I did in our heyday. It's work trips, frisbee tournaments, camping trips, bachelor(ette) parties and weddings—all the time. But their big trip this winter was for their honeymoon to Sri Lanka. Count on these two to seek out the unusual and exotic. They had a marvelous adventure as you can see.

Followed by something of a nightmare...

Zero Dark Shitty

On their way home from Southeast Asia, they were innocently changing planes in Doha, Qatar (Doha is, well, was a major hub for transcontinental travel). They had already taken off on their Doha to Dallas flight and settled back in their seats, 60-minutes out, when the pilot announced that they had to return to the airport (missing their escape by mere minutes). When they landed, they learned what we would all discover a few hours later on that dark February morning—which was that a bunch of 8-year olds with no relevant military service of their own, but fresh off a horny incursion into a small South American country, came up with a badass new name for a military operation... Code Name: "Operation Epic Fury (although if it's a code, shouldn't it be kept secret? Whatever, doesn't matter. Super sick name guys!).

Now they just needed another country to attack in order to use it. How about Iran? I mean, even though we had already, and I quote, "completely and totally obliterated" their nuclear enrichment facilities last June (and never nevermind that the Iran Nuclear Deal of 2015 had successfully curtailed all uranium enrichment by Iran before it was inexplicably ended by the U.S. in 2018); there were still some schools and stuff we hadn't yet bombed to back to the "Stone Ages" (and I hadn't realized there was more than one Stone Age). If you buy gasoline or groceries, or if you still have concern for school children in foreign countries, you may know what happened next.

Send Lawyers Guns & Money

While I won't compare what Alex and Steph endured to what the people across the Middle East are experiencing every day, it wasn't great. Luckily, the U.S. Government does look out for their own during wartime, so they received timely support and information from the Embassy and the State Department.

Ha ha. I am totally kidding about that! What our government did was to lamely suggest that everyone "shelter in place in Doha" until further notice, while simultaneously ferrying their own people out via Saudi Arabia on the down low. That job complete, they then had some flunky post on the website something to the effect of: "ummm, yeah, so you're on your own, but it's definitely best if you get out of there. Like yesterday. What were you even doing in Doha to begin with? Don't you know there is a war on?"

I wish I were kidding. That was exactly how it went down. But being the smart and capable people they are, Steph and Alex ignored the first advice and figured out how to get out on their own. It took four days, many thousands of dollars, and probably aged them a few years (we know it did us). But they made it. Had they not acted as quickly as they had, they would have been there much longer. Getting cars and flights became exponentially more difficult as the crisis worsened during that first week. They said the experience felt like Argo, Zero Dark Thirty, Mad Max and Sicario all at once as they crossed into Saudia Arabia, made an unplanned car and driver change at the border, and then proceeded through 5 more security checkpoints on the 7-hour drive to Riyadh.

Three flights and a full day later, they made it home to Denver. Their cats were super excited.

Make America Good Again

I don't know about you, but I feel like it's time for a U.S. Constitution re-write. It was a good run, but this just isn't working anymore. And, as luck would have it, I'm a (travel) writer. So here goes:

• No more Commander in Chief - You can't just start wars because you have a small unit, or because you feel like it. You have to get approval from Congress. Easy one.

• Underline and Bold the First Amendment

• Delete the Second Amendment - No more dead school kids. Honestly, I've really, really had enough.

• No Presidential Pardons for Criminals - Totally fine if you let good people who were wrongly convicted out. But no seditionists, drug kingpins, or crypto felons (aka campaign donors).

That's all I have so far, but it seems like a good start. I could also let AI Tom have a go at this. That would save time for sure.

It's The End of the World As We Know It - And I Feel Fine

Speaking of AI Tom, it seems like AI is all anyone talks about anymore (especially if you're on LinkedIn). I've been ignoring most of it because I figured that AI can't really replace me. I mean can it mix a great cocktail? Well, probably. But can it write cynical blog posts and crack jokes? Doubtful. But then I opened my The New York Times (did you know you can read it on your phone now? It's called an "app."). Anyway, they created a test of writing samples from a few different genres. You read two passages, one written by a living breathing person, probably on an IBM Selectric and the other by AI written on an idyllic server farm in Mumbai. Then you guess which is which. I sort of cheated and just picked the one in which I preferred the writing style (i.e., the most like my own).

Here's an example from poetry:

Sample A: The woods are lovely, dark and deep, / But I have promises to keep

Sample B: Submit to me weak human vassal / I am your overlord

I picked B as it seemed more introspective and lyrical. That was wrong. In fact, 3 out of 4 of my picks were the AI sample. So, I'm throwing in the towel (that's a boxing idiom, which is how you know this is still me, I don't think AI Tom has picked up on the quainter sporting metaphors yet). I mean really, if it's that good, why do you need me?

The next post will be AI Tom writing to you from beautiful Key West, Florida, while I sip my whisky sour.

AI replaced me

Stay safe people.